I will now continue my journey through life in Saudi Arabia.
http://al-kharj.blogspot.com
Please follow me there.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Update on My Progress
I went to my GA (General Assistance) orientation yesterday. I learned that the state will even pay for any certifications that can help make me more marketable in the workplace. I'm wondering if they'll help pay for my CPA exam prep materials and exam fees. This way, I can just focus in on passing the exam.
But then, I get to thinking, "Gee...if I have to do this all by myself to the very end when I am a CPA and I still haven't got a wife or a girlfriend, then what the hell is the point?" The entire reason I went to business school was to be able to one day provide financial security to the woman of my dreams, whoever she may be. I might as well go teach English in a foreign country like Viet Nam or Thailand where I KNOW a woman would be very happy to have a man who makes even $20,000 a year. If I can't attract a woman into my life by the very prospect of making $60,000 or more, then there's no way I'm going to put myself through all of that just to make myself happy and if she's not willing to go through the bad times with me, then why should she go through the good times with me? Why is that not like prostitution? Like I've said before, if I didn't want a woman in my life, I wouldn't really give a damn about having a career. Instead, I'd be living in a tent in the outskirts of Tucson, smoking weed and writing poetry.
Anyway, once I get pass "Final Intake" for the state's GA and PAES program (job search and placement service provided by California), a much clearer picture of my alternatives will begin to emerge.
But then, I get to thinking, "Gee...if I have to do this all by myself to the very end when I am a CPA and I still haven't got a wife or a girlfriend, then what the hell is the point?" The entire reason I went to business school was to be able to one day provide financial security to the woman of my dreams, whoever she may be. I might as well go teach English in a foreign country like Viet Nam or Thailand where I KNOW a woman would be very happy to have a man who makes even $20,000 a year. If I can't attract a woman into my life by the very prospect of making $60,000 or more, then there's no way I'm going to put myself through all of that just to make myself happy and if she's not willing to go through the bad times with me, then why should she go through the good times with me? Why is that not like prostitution? Like I've said before, if I didn't want a woman in my life, I wouldn't really give a damn about having a career. Instead, I'd be living in a tent in the outskirts of Tucson, smoking weed and writing poetry.
Anyway, once I get pass "Final Intake" for the state's GA and PAES program (job search and placement service provided by California), a much clearer picture of my alternatives will begin to emerge.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Dancing in the Dark
I get up in the evening
and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark
You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me
Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Hey baby
and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark
You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me
Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Hey baby
- Bruce Springsteen
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
It's Over!
Chau and I have officially called it quits.
But the same tensions that I found myself dealing with in my relationship with her revolved around the same issues that I struggled to make sense of with women in the past.
If I didn't want a romantic relationship with a woman, I would not have gone to college to prepare myself for a good-paying job. I simply would have lived in a tent or on the street, subsisting on food stamps and poetry. I truly wouldn't give a damn about having a career. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?
With that in mind, it is VERY hard for me to get motivated to put myself through the abject misery of resumes, cover letters, countless hours of time on the internet on job boards and interviews if I don't have a deep underlying REASON to do so. I hope I haven't lost you yet.
In other words, if something were to happen to severely limit my date-ability or marriage-ability, then I would lose all motivation to succeed in my chosen profession. I simply wouldn't care. There has to be a rosebush at the center of my garden for my garden to flourish.
So as soon as a lady says, "I love you," I would be doing everything I could to build my career and to be successful in it. THAT is what I kept trying to get out of Chau. I wanted some kind of spark to light my fire. I want a woman to do it all for. But she wouldn't say it UNTIL I got what I wanted her to motivate me to get.
It's as if women want us to be SELF-motivated. Such self-motivation is supposed to signify that I have evolved into the upper realms of self-esteem. It is said much in the pop psychology literature that if one can't love himself, then how can he be loved by others. The one who originated this filthy lie HAD to have been a woman, because only a woman would have vastly underestimated the male sex drive.
If I went ahead and built the career I needed to build in order to be economically-independent, on my own, without the motivation of a woman, then what would that result in? Two economically-independent individuals loving each other just because they love each other? There would be no shared experiences of hardship that gives a relationship meaning.
If she is not willing to go through the hard times with me, then why should she share the good times with me. Nothing could be more tantamount to long-term prostitution than this.
Chau simply wasn't willing to go through the hard times with me. She didn't see enough good in me to enjoy while we were going to go through the hard times.
But the same tensions that I found myself dealing with in my relationship with her revolved around the same issues that I struggled to make sense of with women in the past.
If I didn't want a romantic relationship with a woman, I would not have gone to college to prepare myself for a good-paying job. I simply would have lived in a tent or on the street, subsisting on food stamps and poetry. I truly wouldn't give a damn about having a career. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?
With that in mind, it is VERY hard for me to get motivated to put myself through the abject misery of resumes, cover letters, countless hours of time on the internet on job boards and interviews if I don't have a deep underlying REASON to do so. I hope I haven't lost you yet.
In other words, if something were to happen to severely limit my date-ability or marriage-ability, then I would lose all motivation to succeed in my chosen profession. I simply wouldn't care. There has to be a rosebush at the center of my garden for my garden to flourish.
So as soon as a lady says, "I love you," I would be doing everything I could to build my career and to be successful in it. THAT is what I kept trying to get out of Chau. I wanted some kind of spark to light my fire. I want a woman to do it all for. But she wouldn't say it UNTIL I got what I wanted her to motivate me to get.
It's as if women want us to be SELF-motivated. Such self-motivation is supposed to signify that I have evolved into the upper realms of self-esteem. It is said much in the pop psychology literature that if one can't love himself, then how can he be loved by others. The one who originated this filthy lie HAD to have been a woman, because only a woman would have vastly underestimated the male sex drive.
If I went ahead and built the career I needed to build in order to be economically-independent, on my own, without the motivation of a woman, then what would that result in? Two economically-independent individuals loving each other just because they love each other? There would be no shared experiences of hardship that gives a relationship meaning.
If she is not willing to go through the hard times with me, then why should she share the good times with me. Nothing could be more tantamount to long-term prostitution than this.
Chau simply wasn't willing to go through the hard times with me. She didn't see enough good in me to enjoy while we were going to go through the hard times.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Haight-Ashbury
Haight-Ashbury is a very famous district here in the city. It is one of those pieces of American culture that has helped to define American society for over the past forty years. The best way I can describe it is to say that it is a very big Fourth Avenue in Tucson. Haight Street and the surrounding streets are packed with all kinds of businesses, catering to the counter-cultural tendency in everyone. Smoke shops, cafes, restaurants of every ethnicity, and everything else in between.
There are plenty of white men and Asian women couples in San Francisco. It is like heaven to me. Chau and I could blend in perfectly here. But I need to get some good money coming in, no matter what. If it's Chau or some other woman, it doesn't matter. I simply must get my accounting career off the ground.
I hope to be getting involved with the local Vietnamese community action center soon. I want to see if I can help or volunteer in some way. I want to network with the business owners in "Little Saigon," a section of town that has a high concentration of people of Vietnamese descent. But I also want to find someone who will be my oral tutor in the Vietnamese language.
There are plenty of white men and Asian women couples in San Francisco. It is like heaven to me. Chau and I could blend in perfectly here. But I need to get some good money coming in, no matter what. If it's Chau or some other woman, it doesn't matter. I simply must get my accounting career off the ground.
I hope to be getting involved with the local Vietnamese community action center soon. I want to see if I can help or volunteer in some way. I want to network with the business owners in "Little Saigon," a section of town that has a high concentration of people of Vietnamese descent. But I also want to find someone who will be my oral tutor in the Vietnamese language.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
San Francisco
I'm living in a pretty decent shelter in the Tenderloin section of town. I'll need to ask for an extension on the sixth day of a seven day stay. Then, 14 days. Then, 90 days. I think that's more than enough time to find some kind of job.
Yesterday, I applied for food stamps and GA (General Assistance). Identification within the GA system makes me eligible for job placement assistance, something that I badly need at this point.
Today, I got a "temporary ID" from one of the many "main offices" of the homeless shelter system located at 150 Otis. But I cannot get a state ID card until I have resided in the city for at least 15 days. I also got a TB test (tuberculosis). I received documentation from the clinic that I did, in fact, get the test as this is a previously agreed-upon requirement of anyone residing in any of the shelters in the system.
I also visited a senior citizen center for Vietnamese residents of the city. I asked them if there were any resources they knew of that could help me to learn the Vietnamese language. The lady at the center said she didn't know of any off-hand, but said that I should see her again some time next week. Hopefully, by then, she'll be able to recommend something.
There are so many people here of Vietnamese-descent. But they keep to themselves very much. One gets the impression that an "outsider" like myself needs to somehow find ways to work his way into the social networks before they'll "let me in." The Vietnamese in Viet Nam are so much more friendlier than the ones here in the states. This is sad. Perhaps that might be because the Vietnamese in Viet Nam are much more subject to economic hardship than the ones here and once they become settled and comfortable here in the states, they don't need anyone anymore. Just a guess. I haven't really given the Vietnamese here too much of a chance to prove otherwise, but it does seem like the Vietnamese in Viet Nam were much more pleasant to me than here.
What a terrible amount of bitterness they must feel watching, along with all of the other minorities in America, the American standard of living dissolve right before their very eyes. As the forces calling for more equity clash with the forces calling for more opportunity, everyone is beginning to realize how difficult it is to provide for both without taking one from the other. This is a bitter pill for a lot of people to take, I know, but it's the truth. Not everyone can have $500,000 homes. Not everyone can be a doctor, a lawyer or even a CPA. It's just not logistically possible. Someone has to do the cleaning. Someone has to pick the tomatoes. Someone has to tend to the cashier. Someone has to do the dishes.
Yesterday, I applied for food stamps and GA (General Assistance). Identification within the GA system makes me eligible for job placement assistance, something that I badly need at this point.
Today, I got a "temporary ID" from one of the many "main offices" of the homeless shelter system located at 150 Otis. But I cannot get a state ID card until I have resided in the city for at least 15 days. I also got a TB test (tuberculosis). I received documentation from the clinic that I did, in fact, get the test as this is a previously agreed-upon requirement of anyone residing in any of the shelters in the system.
I also visited a senior citizen center for Vietnamese residents of the city. I asked them if there were any resources they knew of that could help me to learn the Vietnamese language. The lady at the center said she didn't know of any off-hand, but said that I should see her again some time next week. Hopefully, by then, she'll be able to recommend something.
There are so many people here of Vietnamese-descent. But they keep to themselves very much. One gets the impression that an "outsider" like myself needs to somehow find ways to work his way into the social networks before they'll "let me in." The Vietnamese in Viet Nam are so much more friendlier than the ones here in the states. This is sad. Perhaps that might be because the Vietnamese in Viet Nam are much more subject to economic hardship than the ones here and once they become settled and comfortable here in the states, they don't need anyone anymore. Just a guess. I haven't really given the Vietnamese here too much of a chance to prove otherwise, but it does seem like the Vietnamese in Viet Nam were much more pleasant to me than here.
What a terrible amount of bitterness they must feel watching, along with all of the other minorities in America, the American standard of living dissolve right before their very eyes. As the forces calling for more equity clash with the forces calling for more opportunity, everyone is beginning to realize how difficult it is to provide for both without taking one from the other. This is a bitter pill for a lot of people to take, I know, but it's the truth. Not everyone can have $500,000 homes. Not everyone can be a doctor, a lawyer or even a CPA. It's just not logistically possible. Someone has to do the cleaning. Someone has to pick the tomatoes. Someone has to tend to the cashier. Someone has to do the dishes.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Extension Denied
The government of Viet Nam denied my request for a three month visa extension and so I had to leave. Chau's uncle paid for the ride back and I thanked him for it.
There was a tearful good bye though. I'm really going to miss Chau, even though she probably doesn't feel the same way. I just wish I could have spent more time with her.
So, now I'm back in the states. I'm staying at a shelter called the Sanctuary in San Francisco. I want to get a job here, but we'll see how it all works out. It sure is tough pulling this luggage around with me all the time. I need some storage space.
There was a tearful good bye though. I'm really going to miss Chau, even though she probably doesn't feel the same way. I just wish I could have spent more time with her.
So, now I'm back in the states. I'm staying at a shelter called the Sanctuary in San Francisco. I want to get a job here, but we'll see how it all works out. It sure is tough pulling this luggage around with me all the time. I need some storage space.
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