San Francisco

I'm living in a pretty decent shelter in the Tenderloin section of town. I'll need to ask for an extension on the sixth day of a seven day stay. Then, 14 days. Then, 90 days. I think that's more than enough time to find some kind of job.

Yesterday, I applied for food stamps and GA (General Assistance). Identification within the GA system makes me eligible for job placement assistance, something that I badly need at this point.

Today, I got a "temporary ID" from one of the many "main offices" of the homeless shelter system located at 150 Otis. But I cannot get a state ID card until I have resided in the city for at least 15 days. I also got a TB test (tuberculosis). I received documentation from the clinic that I did, in fact, get the test as this is a previously agreed-upon requirement of anyone residing in any of the shelters in the system.

I also visited a senior citizen center for Vietnamese residents of the city. I asked them if there were any resources they knew of that could help me to learn the Vietnamese language. The lady at the center said she didn't know of any off-hand, but said that I should see her again some time next week. Hopefully, by then, she'll be able to recommend something.

There are so many people here of Vietnamese-descent. But they keep to themselves very much. One gets the impression that an "outsider" like myself needs to somehow find ways to work his way into the social networks before they'll "let me in." The Vietnamese in Viet Nam are so much more friendlier than the ones here in the states. This is sad. Perhaps that might be because the Vietnamese in Viet Nam are much more subject to economic hardship than the ones here and once they become settled and comfortable here in the states, they don't need anyone anymore. Just a guess. I haven't really given the Vietnamese here too much of a chance to prove otherwise, but it does seem like the Vietnamese in Viet Nam were much more pleasant to me than here.

What a terrible amount of bitterness they must feel watching, along with all of the other minorities in America, the American standard of living dissolve right before their very eyes. As the forces calling for more equity clash with the forces calling for more opportunity, everyone is beginning to realize how difficult it is to provide for both without taking one from the other. This is a bitter pill for a lot of people to take, I know, but it's the truth. Not everyone can have $500,000 homes. Not everyone can be a doctor, a lawyer or even a CPA. It's just not logistically possible. Someone has to do the cleaning. Someone has to pick the tomatoes. Someone has to tend to the cashier. Someone has to do the dishes.

Extension Denied

The government of Viet Nam denied my request for a three month visa extension and so I had to leave. Chau's uncle paid for the ride back and I thanked him for it.

There was a tearful good bye though. I'm really going to miss Chau, even though she probably doesn't feel the same way. I just wish I could have spent more time with her.

So, now I'm back in the states. I'm staying at a shelter called the Sanctuary in San Francisco. I want to get a job here, but we'll see how it all works out. It sure is tough pulling this luggage around with me all the time. I need some storage space.

Vulnerability

I am learning a lot about vulnerability.

This will be the second time that Chau has covered a vulnerability and Chau, if you're reading, I want you to know that you are deeply appreciated. If we're ever no more than friends, that would still be good enough for me. Your mother has been a constant resource for me also, even in times when it seemed like you and I were going to go our separate ways and for that, I will be forever indebted to her.

The first time that Chau covered me was when I even came to this country. I took a very big risk by even coming here. Of course, I had her address and I could have went to that address if she didn't show up at the airport, but she could have very well had the police come, told them that I was a stalker and had me taken away. There have been and there still are so many ways that I am vulnerable.

Now, she's covering for me again. She signed, as my sponsor, my application for a three month visa extension last night. The police will come by this morning, and hopefully along with her, to sign it too, so that I can go ask the higher authority to approve it.

All my life, I have always prized my independence. Even when I lived with others, I was always very generous with my share of the rent and expenses. But as long as Vietnamese accounting firms and employers are reluctant to take a chance with me, I can't get the economic independence and, therefore, the social independence it takes for Chau to proudly say to her friends that I am her boyfriend. There seems to be a strong expectation amongst the women here that every boyfriend have a job.

I wish that American women were like that. I have seen some fine American women going out with some of the most worthless bums that God ever let breathe. Instead of a job being a prerequisite for a relationship, American women seem to like being in abusive relationships just so that they can have something to tell their friends. If a nice guy with a job is dating an American woman, all she can say to her friends is "Oh, you know Josh! He's working and seeing nobody else but me." But if she's in an abusive relationship, she can chatter for hours about he's drinking up the paycheck and running around on her.

Why the hell the rest of the world wants to be like Americans, I'll never know.

The Dignity of Work

I am feeling so damned depressed. If I am not allowed the dignity of some kind of work soon, I am going to go out of mind! The woman of my dreams is just within my grasp, but I can't have her because I can't get an accounting firm to believe me when I tell them that I will work hard and be dependable.

This morning, I tried to organize the yard outside. Hoa stopped me halfway through and told me that I didn't know what I was doing. She said that I didn't know where to put things. But she didn't get to see what it was going to look like when I finished, so how could she know that I didn't know where to put things. I was simply moving things around temporarily to sweep the dirt up and then move things back in a neat and orderly fashion. It's like every chance I can get to prove my love for Chau and her family, they don't want me to let me take it. This is getting so depressing. A man needs to work. It builds his sense of pride and self-respect. I used to work outside all of the time. I understand their desire to see me get a good-paying job and it seems like they are trying to preserve me for that, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Tomorrow, I go see a popular bread chain for a job. That would certainly be along my sphere of experience. Perhaps I could build my career on it. We will see.

The Shining Pearl of Asia

To me, Chau is the shining pearl of Asia. Of course, I look at other women, but I'm beginning to believe that Chau's family thinks that I'm pretending to be in love with Chau just to get a living quarters and all the free food an American man can handle. Then, when they take me out to eat, I'm not supposed to have wandering eyes? Why is it so important that only one woman get all of the attention and thoughts a man possesses? I'm sorry, but this is just not biologically possible.

One thing that Asian culture must accept is that men are boners and women are so slow to cook and love romance. Try to look at the penis as a separate animal that is living inside of the man's body and that he has little control over. Women, on the other hand, expect more caressing and loving embraces before she experiences desire.

The scientific evidence for this is overwhelming.

I can look at Chau with love and lust and I can look at other women with lust. Why is this so hard to accept?

My definition of a girlfriend is a friend that you have sex with. What is the very first thing that women tell us before we get emotionally involved with them? They say, "Be my friend first and we'll see what happens after that."

Just because I pay money for a woman who is not my friend to make my penis happy does not mean that I think any less of the woman who is my friend, but who, for some reason, does not want to have sex with me. It just means that I have certain biologically-based desires that need to be satisfied.

The reason that women cannot understand this is because they are coming from a totally different psycho-sexual framework.

Vung Tau

I went with Chau's uncle over the past two days to a small shoreline city that can only aptly be described as one of the most relaxing places on earth. Here we ate and we ate and we ate.... I met a few of her uncle's friends, flirted with some of the local ladies who made me feel like Superman and even had a couple visits to the massage parlor (which was very clean and professionally-ran). While I can't say that I've completely overcome all of my feelings of insecurity and vulnerability, it did let me re-examine myself in a way that gave me feelings of confidence in my relationships with others. So even if Chau comes back with her heart given to another man, it'll hurt, but not as bad as I think it will. I'm a kind, sensitive and sensual man and while I'm not as financially-secure as I would like to be at this point in my life, I do feel a sense of emotional security building inside of me that I never had before. I think that Chau wouldn't want it any other way. How can she love a man who doesn't love himself?

Da Lat Highlands

I've told Chau many times in the past that I feel so guilty for not having the financial means to get her all that she wants and that I would not blame her at all if she were to find another man who does have a job. I am facing the first test of this. Today, she takes off with her friends to the Da Lat Highlands, a place where lovers and honeymooners go. What I'm scared of is that she'll come back with another man in her arms. But if it comes to that, I'll have to accept that and move on.

I have so much emotion invested in Chau and to lose her at this point would completely devastate me.

This only underscores the importance of getting a job here. I need to be financially-secure enough to provide for the woman of my dreams. It just seems to me that an MBA (with an emphasis in accounting) would be able to land at least an entry-level position in some accounting firm. But that's what I thought when I was in America. Experience is the key, not education. It's a lie that education is the key to success in life. Education helps, don't get me wrong. But there are no guarantees in this life.

If Chau comes back with another man, I'll just pick up the pieces and start all over again. Women in Vietnam are plentiful, but nothing like my Chau.

I am feeling very vulnerable at this point.

Metro supermarket

Last night, the family went out to shop at what I would call Vietnam's answer to Walmart--Metro. It was very clean, with friendly staff, air-conditioned and the prices were affordable. I got the impression that it was where working families shop. When you were headed out the door, there were two beautiful young ladies dressed in yellow dresses to check your receipt against what you were carrying out--a nontechnical solution to theft.

Chau finally got a mattress to sleep on. When I found out about her sleeping on a mat, I thought, "No woman of mine is gonna be sleeping on the floor!" Then I held my tongue and thought, "Well, maybe she likes sleeping on a rice mat?" An American friend of mine recently told me that his wife sleeps on a rice mat next to his bed. She says it's better for her back. So maybe that was another difference in culture that I simply had to overlook.

Chau saw many things in Metro that she wanted. But I need some kind of income coming in to get the kind of things she wants.

I would like to start my own bookkeeping and accounting business. I have the software to do it. All I need now are clients. So, maybe Chau and I can work together and build our relationship that way? Maybe she could do the legwork and I could do the numbers. We'll see. I need a job to at least pay for the initial costs of starting a small business accounting venture, considering all the bureaucratic hurdles and fees that we are going to have to jump over. But I'm not overwhelmed by simply thinking about the bureaucracy here. The government has a reason for every rule and I'm willing to accept that and do what I need to do.

Karaoke and Chatrooms

If there's one thing that has become resoundingly clear about "Vietnamese culture" is that they love karaoke. Everywhere in Ho Chi Minh City, I see all kinds of karaoke bars. If you go to Paltalk.com and you go into their international chatrooms, what we find is that, with the exception of the western countries, there are only a few available chatrooms for every country. But with Vietnam, we find close to SIX HUNDRED available chatrooms, with quite a few of them having to do with...you guessed it, karaoke.

It's going to be a while before I can explain the psychological basis for this phenomenon, but it's an interesting statement on the culture here in Viet Nam, to say the least.

Last night, I visited one with the family and I sung one of Billy Joel's greatest hits. Afterwards, everyone kept saying, "You good singer!" If they only knew... LOL!

Honesty

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live

But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you


I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve

But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe


Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you


I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end

Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know


When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone

But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
'Cause you're the one that I depend upon


Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Georgism in Vietnam?

Adam Smith said that all three factors of production (land, labor and capital) should be left in the hands of the free market. Karl Marx wanted them controlled by the state. Henry George, realizing that reality is never found in any polar opposite, wanted to look at each factor of production objectively and dare to ask, "Which factor actually produces something of economic value?" He came to the conclusion that it was land (that is, anything that conceivably falls into the category of "natural resources"), by itself, that doesn't produce anything of lasting economic value. It is only until we do something with that land that economic value is created. Labor and capital do produce value simply because they are essentially economic activities. Land is not an activity, but rather an asset.

What George proposed was really radical at the time and remains so today. Neo-classical economists have done everything in their power to blunt the brilliance of George and to neglect him to the dusty shelves of economic theory. He proposed the eventual ownership of land by the state--something that people like Rockefeller, an oilman, and real estate tycoons, would bitterly oppose. That would mean the end of their gaming of Mother Earth.

What I see emerging in Vietnam is something in the order of what George proposed. It seems to be a slow admission that George was right. I see busy shopkeepers and restaurants, but I also see government controls.

George's ideas have never been tested in "real-life." But Vietnam would certainly be one of the best candidates for experimentation simply because it is an economy that is close in resemblance to George's ideas. It would not take much for Vietnam to make the transition over to a truly Georgist society. They would simply need to stop taxing the labor of individuals and instead tax land owners and businesses that use the natural resources, or what George called simply, a single tax.

Trying to get that first English job

From the impressions that I've gathered here so far, the biggest job opportunity for Americans like me in Viet Nam is to teach English. I've applied at different English schools and I'm brushing up my resumes to give the best impression.

But what I'd like to do here today is to make a few comments regarding the entire idea of teaching English in Viet Nam.

One of the first things I purchased for Chau while we were still internet pals were some books to help her excel in her up and coming pharmacy technician exam. I wondered why there weren't any of the books she needed written in Vietnamese.

Can you imagine being told that you needed to learn a different language just to read the books needed to excel in your chosen profession? Try to imagine how this might harbor feelings of resentment towards the western societies. But the Vietnamese take it in strides and adjust to the situation that they're given simply because they have no other choice.

Currently, the biggest concentration of Americans of Vietnamese descent is in San Jose, California. Now, what is in San Jose? Silicon Valley. Isn't it funny what happens when you give people books to read? Things that make me go, "hmmmm."

The apartment I'm living in

The place that I am now calling home is an apartment in the midst of old buildings that are being used several times past their original purpose. Hoa has been and continues to be very generous with the belongings she had provided in the room before I came and the food she sends to me by cheerful and hard-working boys. This is truly the best I have ever been treated by anyone outside of my own family.

Scooters

The first impression I received of the city when I was riding around in the taxi with Hoa had to do with the millions of scooters on the streets. The car, as a social and economic entity, had never fully arrived in Vietnam. It was as if the people were choosing efficiency and flexibility over that highly-worshiped American icon, the automobile. Add to that, the ridiculously high costs of owning and maintaining a car and the choice is easy for the Vietnamese consumer--the scooter now dominates the streets of Ho Chi Minh City.

This is not to say that it's the utopian means of transportation by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it's fair to say that the Vietnamese economy, if it can manage to get wages up, will ZOOM along to a much more prosperous future simply because it is not allocating as much money towards the human necessity of transportation as Americans are.

Americans look at transportation as the opportunity to make a personality statement. The Vietnamese look at it as a means of getting from point A to point B in one piece. The warmer climate is on the side of the consumer here as well. For some reason, I can't see the folks in Chicago and New York brazing the cold winters on a scooter. But economic evolution doesn't care about whether you can't take the cold and if it one day deems the automobile as economically inefficient, then that is the bullet (hint-hint, as in bullet train) that the American consumer must bite.

How we met

When I was working for a bakery in Tucson, Arizona, where they had recently hired a group of Asian people, I took notice of the women in the group and began to talk to the one who could barely speak English, Van. I had always fantasized about Asian women, and found them to be very attractive, and Van was petite and adorable. I began hitting on her and she promptly let me know that she was spoken for. She was very polite about it though and it was through that politeness, that I eventually became introduced, through a phone call, to Ella (a lady of whom I had the pleasure of reuniting and dining with in the company of Chau last night at a restaurant). Ella then introduced me to Chau--the reason for coming to Vietnam and for this blog.

First, we talked with each other over email and then I introduced her to Paltalk. This is where we had the biggest part of our conversations and got to know each other really well. We talked about a variety of things, but once we got on cam and looked at each other, we knew it was forever. She always smiled with sparking eyes and dimples. I felt humbled that such a creature of beauty would even find anything of interest in me. I had never had a girlfriend and when the money was there and nature called, I took temporary comfort in call girls and hookers. I was in a state of cultural warfare with American women. I would boil in resentment towards them as they continued to insist that they have economic independence but at the same time, wouldn't want to pick up the tab when it came to social assertiveness. Either they should want economic AND social independence or they should all "go back to the kitchen and the bedroom."

Something kept pulling at my heart with Chau, though. "There is something very special about this woman," I would say to myself. Chau seemed to be able to soothe my anger towards "modern" women. She was trying to be "modern" in the best way that she could and that was simply beautiful. I could excuse Chau's desire to be like American women as purely a product of her economic situation and it wouldn't hurt me or cause me any inner conflict to be the socially-assertive one in a relationship with her. I could assume the traditional role of "man" and she could be as American as she wanted or did not want to be.

Now it took me a while to get over here. I was always hesitant about having enough money for her and I to have a good time on after purchasing the plane tickets. But this year, on November 30, I boarded a 747 which took me from Los Angeles to Taipei and then from Taipei to Ho Chi Minh City.

I walked around in the airport, looking for her, but she was no where to be found. Then I thought, "Well, I got her address. Maybe she and her mom had something else to do." I kept walking around, looking for a door that would let me go directly out into the streets. I asked one of the uniformed security personnel how I could get out, he then pointed to the document checkpoint stations that were directly in front of me with the long lines of people. I finally realized that it was the stations that I had to go through to get outside the building.

After going through the document stations and the luggage check, there was a huge crowd of people waiting for their loved ones behind a guarded fence. You could have heard a pin drop as I walked down the sidewalks. As I was about to go out on the streets, my eyes were fixed on the sidewalk, staring down. I thought, "What if this is all a cruel joke? What if I'm stuck here in Saigon with no place to go?" About that time, I heard the voice I had heard on my laptop cam so long ago.

"John." I looked up and there she was. I was so happy to see her. We hugged. Then her mom came and took me away with her in a taxi after having my luggage loaded up. Chau went back home on her scooter.

And that is how we met.