Vulnerability

I am learning a lot about vulnerability.

This will be the second time that Chau has covered a vulnerability and Chau, if you're reading, I want you to know that you are deeply appreciated. If we're ever no more than friends, that would still be good enough for me. Your mother has been a constant resource for me also, even in times when it seemed like you and I were going to go our separate ways and for that, I will be forever indebted to her.

The first time that Chau covered me was when I even came to this country. I took a very big risk by even coming here. Of course, I had her address and I could have went to that address if she didn't show up at the airport, but she could have very well had the police come, told them that I was a stalker and had me taken away. There have been and there still are so many ways that I am vulnerable.

Now, she's covering for me again. She signed, as my sponsor, my application for a three month visa extension last night. The police will come by this morning, and hopefully along with her, to sign it too, so that I can go ask the higher authority to approve it.

All my life, I have always prized my independence. Even when I lived with others, I was always very generous with my share of the rent and expenses. But as long as Vietnamese accounting firms and employers are reluctant to take a chance with me, I can't get the economic independence and, therefore, the social independence it takes for Chau to proudly say to her friends that I am her boyfriend. There seems to be a strong expectation amongst the women here that every boyfriend have a job.

I wish that American women were like that. I have seen some fine American women going out with some of the most worthless bums that God ever let breathe. Instead of a job being a prerequisite for a relationship, American women seem to like being in abusive relationships just so that they can have something to tell their friends. If a nice guy with a job is dating an American woman, all she can say to her friends is "Oh, you know Josh! He's working and seeing nobody else but me." But if she's in an abusive relationship, she can chatter for hours about he's drinking up the paycheck and running around on her.

Why the hell the rest of the world wants to be like Americans, I'll never know.