It's Over!

Chau and I have officially called it quits.

But the same tensions that I found myself dealing with in my relationship with her revolved around the same issues that I struggled to make sense of with women in the past.

If I didn't want a romantic relationship with a woman, I would not have gone to college to prepare myself for a good-paying job. I simply would have lived in a tent or on the street, subsisting on food stamps and poetry. I truly wouldn't give a damn about having a career. Why is this so difficult to comprehend?

With that in mind, it is VERY hard for me to get motivated to put myself through the abject misery of resumes, cover letters, countless hours of time on the internet on job boards and interviews if I don't have a deep underlying REASON to do so. I hope I haven't lost you yet.

In other words, if something were to happen to severely limit my date-ability or marriage-ability, then I would lose all motivation to succeed in my chosen profession. I simply wouldn't care. There has to be a rosebush at the center of my garden for my garden to flourish.

So as soon as a lady says, "I love you," I would be doing everything I could to build my career and to be successful in it. THAT is what I kept trying to get out of Chau. I wanted some kind of spark to light my fire. I want a woman to do it all for. But she wouldn't say it UNTIL I got what I wanted her to motivate me to get.

It's as if women want us to be SELF-motivated. Such self-motivation is supposed to signify that I have evolved into the upper realms of self-esteem. It is said much in the pop psychology literature that if one can't love himself, then how can he be loved by others. The one who originated this filthy lie HAD to have been a woman, because only a woman would have vastly underestimated the male sex drive.

If I went ahead and built the career I needed to build in order to be economically-independent, on my own, without the motivation of a woman, then what would that result in? Two economically-independent individuals loving each other just because they love each other? There would be no shared experiences of hardship that gives a relationship meaning.

If she is not willing to go through the hard times with me, then why should she share the good times with me. Nothing could be more tantamount to long-term prostitution than this.

Chau simply wasn't willing to go through the hard times with me. She didn't see enough good in me to enjoy while we were going to go through the hard times.